I WAS WALKING ALONE ON A LONELY PATH. I CRIED ALONE. NO BODY WAS BESIDE ME. NO ONE WAS THERE TO COMFORT ME. THE ONLY LIVING THINGS I CAN SEE WAS BIRDS SINGING HAPPILY, BIRDS FLYING HIGH UP ON THE SKY FREELY AS THOUGH LIFE WAS JUST SO PERFECT, TREES STANDING TALL AS THOUGH CONFIDENCE WAS ALL AROUND IT AND NOTHING CAN MAKES IT FALL. ALL THIS ARE JUST DIRECTLY THE OPPOSITE OF ME.

TEARS STREAMS DOWN MY CHEEKS. I NEVER CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS THE MAIN REASON I WAS CRYING. I DID A LITTLE INFERENCE TO MYSELF. THE SOURCE WAS MY TEARS AND MY INFERENCE WAS I WAS DOWN AS THE EVIDENCE WAS MY TEARS ONLY LEFT WAS MY EXPLAINATION. I MISSED MY EXPLAINATION AND THAT MAKES ME MORE DOWN.

FOR A MOMENT, I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF. ONLY MYSELF. NO LONGER ANYONE ELSE. NOT MY BOYFRIEND, NOT MY FAMILY, NOT MY FRIENDS AND NOT EVEN MY IMAGINATION. MYSELF, EXTRA ATTENTION JUST TO MYSELF! I'M SICK! SICK OF PAYING TOO MUCH ATTENTION OF OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELING. TO BE SPECIFIC, HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT ME WHEN I FAILED TO THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF. WHICH I REALISE IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I SHOULD TAKE NOTE OF. SO FOR A MOMENT, NOTHING, NOTHING ELSE IS IMPORTANT TO ME EXCEPT MYSELF.

SUDDENLY, MY WALKING CAME TO AN END. IT'S ONLY THAN I REALISED, I HAVE BEEN WALKING SO FAR. VERY FAR THAT THERE WASN'T ANYMORE PATH FOR ME TO CONTINUE WALKING. I KNEEL DOWN. OPEN MY ARMS WIDE AND CLOSE MY EYES. "ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THAT'S THE ONLY SOUND I PRODUCED. IT WAS LOUD BUT WAS NOT LOUD ENOUGH TO SHAKE THE WORLD.

THE VIBRATION OF MY MOBILE PHONE BRINGS ME BACK TO THE REALITY. IT WAS A CALL FROM MY BOYFRIEND. I IGNORED. VIBRATION STOPS. LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES, IT VIBRATES AGAIN. THIS TIME IT WAS MY PARENTS. I ANSWERED THE PHONE.

"WHERE ARE YOU?" I HEARD MY MUM'S VOICE ON THE OTHER LINE. ANGRY, I CAN INFER SHE WAS.

"ON MY WAY HOME." I LIED. IT'S OBVIOUS I WAS NOT SPEAKING THE TRUTH AS I WAS ACTUALLY AT A PLACE I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH, AND WAS SCREAMING MY LUNGS OUT.

MUM HANG UP. I CRIED. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED, I WAS SUPPOSE TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF OR AT LEAST TRY TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF. SO I ASK MYSELF QUESTION AFTER QUESTION. ANSWERS WAS DIRECT, SO AT LEAST I DO UNDERSTAND MYSELF AT LEAST 90%. UNTILL, A QUESTION POP OUTS, "WHAT DO I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF?"

I COULD NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION. MY EYES SWELLS UP AGAIN. HOW COULD I FEEL NOTHING? I SHOULD BE FEELING SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF, SHOULDN'T I? IT'S ONLY I UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS ABOUT MYSELF WAS LIMITED. LIMITED TO THE EXTENT THAT THERE WAS A PART OF ME THAT HATED MYSELF. IT'S WHEN I PROMISE MYSELF, "THE FEELINGS ABOUT MYSELF WILL CHANGE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW OTHERS FEELS ABOUT ME ANYMORE. I NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF BEFORE OTHERS CAN. THEREFORE, I WILL THE BIRD, THE BIRD THAT'S SINGING HAPPILY. THE BIRD THAT WAS FLYING FREELY HIGH UP THE SKY AS THOUGH LIFE WAS PERFECT. THE MOST IMPORTANT WAS THE TREES STANDING TALL AS THOUGH CONFIDENCE WAS ALL AROUND IT AND NOBODY CAN MAKE THEM FALL!" THAT'S WHEN I UNDERSTAND MYSELF.